Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
