I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
