i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
