i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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