did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this just has baby written all over it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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