there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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