i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
its liver damage thursday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
