didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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