After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
