Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
