That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
