Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
