I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
