dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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