For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
