I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
