just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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