I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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