YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
