Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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