Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
