Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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