you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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