we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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