Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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