even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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