From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
