whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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