I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
