You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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