But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
