11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
