u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
