would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
