i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
