If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
