Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
