I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
