I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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