Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
