Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
