I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
