Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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