I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
