Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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