What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
