xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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