i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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