i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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