Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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