nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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