Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
