Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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