No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
