i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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