Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

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(206): View more from Washington

I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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(941): View more from Florida

Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?

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(240): View more from Maryland

the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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(217): View more from Illinois

I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal

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(910): View more from North Carolina

After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...

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