Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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