At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
