If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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